


Hulk

by hypereuni



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Gen, Hulk AU, Jiraiya as Sakura's grandfather
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 19:05:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14118918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypereuni/pseuds/hypereuni
Summary: Jiraiya has decided to venture into the beauty industry and uses his hapless granddaughter Sakura as a guinea pig. His latest endeavor goes a little too far. Crack fic. One-shot.





	Hulk

"Tell me why this is a good idea." Sakura eyed the glass vial in Jiraiya's hand. Whatever was bubbling inside the container smelled disturbingly like a combination of ripe unwashed socks and spoiled fish. Jiraiya pouted.

"Have some faith in your poor grandfather, Sakura-chan~ I ever put you in harm's way, dear granddaughter of mine?"

"..."

_Crick_.

"...Well, the boils were a one-time incident and, uh, besides, they went away after a few days..."

Sakura popped another knuckle menacingly. "And?" She snarled. Beads of sweat formed on Jiraiya's forehead. He held his hands up in a placating gesture.

"Don't you worry, my dear," his eyes nervously tracking her every movement, "Tsunade-hime's agreed to observe in the unlikely case that something unfortunate happens, heh."

"This is the LAST time I'll trust you or any of your quack medicines," Sakura grumbled. "I mean, I can't wear  _anything_  with my right side like this. Actually, scratch that, I can't even  _walk_  properly. What the hell did you do?" She flexed a long, muscular right arm, and then her significantly twiggier left arm for comparison. It was as if someone had cleaved her body in two and attached her left side to another half that was most definitely  _not_  hers. Jiraiya looked her up and down.

"But I must say," he said, leering at the right side of her chest, "I think this is more of an improvement than-OW!"

"Keep talking, old man, and I'll show you exactly how I can improve YOU." Jiraiya cowered under Sakura's glare.

"I promise that  _this_  will make you better," he said solemnly, and thrust the vial in front of her. "I promise."

"It'd better, old man."

* * *

"You better high-tail it out of this village, Jiraiya," Tsunade tossed another cup of sake and sighed in contentment. "Another bottle, barkeep," she barked, and smiled at her  _very_  visibly nervous companion. Jiraiya reluctantly slid a few crumpled bills across the counter.

"How long do the sleeping pills last?" He asked. Tsunade hummed.

"If she was still herself, probably another hour or so, but...I'd give you around 10 minutes, give or take."

Something crashed behind them. Someone screamed.

"On second thought," Tsunade winked at her companion's increasingly paling face, "you're out of luck, Jiraiya." She drained her last cup and sauntered out of the bar. She hadn't had this much fun in  _years_.

"COME BACK HERE SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU, YOU OLD COWARD!" A deep, guttural voice roared. The remains of a wooden cart crashed into the bar, breaking window glass and smashing the rows of porcelain sake bottles behind the counter. A gigantic green  _something_  with a mop of pink hair lumbered into the town square; the ground shook with every step it took. It paused for a moment to sniff the air before turning its head in the direction of the bar. Its mangled mouth suddenly warped itself into a grotesque parody of a smile. "FOUND YOU."

Jiraiya whimpered.


End file.
